Struggling with Mum Guilt?

Today when I was getting my hair done, I discussed with my hairdresser the reality of mom guilt. I have 4 children and remember when I had my first baby I had so much time to spend with her playing, bathing, using flash cards to help her develop her speech and of course I had a immaculately clean house with every idem of baby clothes ironed. Fast forward to now, I have 4 children and I feel that sense of guilt when I spend time cleaning the house (I get this from my own mother who is a self confessed clean fanatic) instead of spending time with the children in the playground or doing some form of activities with them. When my baby Callum was 16 months old I was concerned he was behind on his speech, that it was my fault I did not spend enough 1:1 time with him helping develop his words. I did not have time to read him stories at bed time as there was 3 other children to get organised for bed but his did not help my feeling of anxiety. I sometimes struggle with trying to balance motherhood, household duties and work. Since I became a mother I have wanted to be the best version of me for my children as someone wise told me "children don't do as they are told they do as they see" but we have to be realistic there is days when are not going to be our best version and that is okay.

This is life and it is completely normal to feel this way and anyone who says they have it all under control send them my way as I would love to know their secret. I truly believe that is if a child is shown love by giving them a hug or a kiss and by simply saying I love you, you are winning at motherhood. I seen a beautiful post today on how society plays a role in mum guilt:

In our society, a mother suffers guilt no matter what she does.

If she's on top of the her kids making sure everything is okay, she's called a helicopter mom, and if she lets them run around as she sits on the side talking to a friend, she's neglectful.

If she prefers cooking from scratch and organic everything, her kids are "going to go crazy on junk food when they go to someone else's house". and if she feeds them donuts and muffins for breakfast some mornings because she's in a rush or just because, then her kids are unhealthy.

If she breastfeeds and doesn't produce enough milk, and her baby isn't thriving, then she's a failure. But when she adds formula, she's more of a failure for not giving her baby all breast milk.

If she stays home with her kids, she should be working "how can her family financially keep up?" But if she's working, she met with "they're only small once".

If she hasn't lost postpartum weight, "gosh, she let herself go". But if she did "wow she must not eat, spend hours working our, and neglect her children".

In society that knows "everything" and places too many expectations on moms,

If you listen to everyone else,

you're always going to fall short.

So DON'T LISTEN,

and stop feeling bad for your choices.

Throw those internalised unrealistic expectations away and do what's best for you and your family.

It's called YOUR FAMILY for a reason.

Besides if you love your children and try then you're a good mom

Chris J Carr

When you receive notes like this then we are winning, a note left from my daughter Sadie